Lost Souls
by HonorInRevenge
Summary: Elena & Stefan AU. Elena Gilbert is a published writer who is struggling with her second novel. She discovers a whole new world and meets Stefan Salvatore, who is her complete opposite on her first step towards freedom and soul-searching. How will fate work in their favor?
1. Chapter 1

I moved to the city right after high school with every intention of figuring out who I am as a person and studying something I'm passionate about. However I can't say that I've accomplished much when it comes to the first part; I still I'm working on who I am and solving that puzzle piece by piece every single day. But at least I have finished my higher studies a few years ago and I am now a not very well known published author which has been the highlight of my life so far. Writing has always been my one and only passion, I started writing short stories when I was about 9… I still remember spending hours on my tiny pink desk trying to choose names for my characters who were mostly princesses and fairies and superheroes. I have always been an in-doors kind of person. I come from a small town called Mystic Falls and that has shaped a lot of my habits. And since I never got to experience a lot on my own , I chose to let my imagination run wild. I started making up scenarios in my head, developing characters and giving them the wildness and freedom I could never have. And even when I moved to New York, that never changed. I spent most of the time working on my book in my room or working so that I can pay my rent…Until I had a full finished book in my hands and somehow enough people believed in my imagination to send it out to the word. Having a piece of your life written down on paper and available for everyone to read and know is a strange feeling yet a very satisfying one. At least now I know that I've achieved something, that I was able to mark my existence and open up to the world, that I could help people with their problems and entertain them with my thoughts. I am now working on my second novel and I haven't gotten beyond two pages so far. I want it to be about me, my experiences and who I am as a person. I want to share what makes me who I am and translate everything that is going on in my mind to words and phrases. But that Is not easy to do when I can't even figure out who I am and have nothing exceptional and worth writing about at the time. I keep waiting for things to come by and happen, events to occur and for my life to change. I don't do anything… I just keep on leading the same life, the exact same routine. But I have faith that life itself is capable of amazing me and turning tables at the most unexpected of times. I know that faith won't write me a book and I know that my dull hope won't type the words but it is what's driving me and right now, all I need is something to keep me going.

I pay the taxi driver and jump out the cab. I walk towards the coffee shop wearing my knee high brown leather boots and as soon as I walk inside the shop my eyes fall immediately on Caroline who has been waiting for me to arrive … She spots me and a giant smile paints on her face. I've known Caroline Forbes since I was in primary school and the best thing about her is that her features haven't changed ever since. She still has the same big beautiful smile that makes you happy and cheery yourself. Her eyes still have the identical childlike, lively look since she was 6 or 5 years old. Her golden curls still fall perfectly on her shoulders and most importantly I can always count on her to be there for me whenever I need her.

She gets out of her chair and pulls me in for a warm hug and I can't help it but to smile and feel better already. Everyone deserves a best friend like Caroline.

We take our places and we start informing each other about every single detail in our lives, as if we haven't met in ages. While I've actually seen her last weekend and truth be told my life hasn't changed a single bit since then but I tell her the stupidest of things anyway like how I was running so late that I went out of my place forgetting to put a shirt on or that I spilled my coffee on some guy because I chose to wear high heels that day and she knows that I don't do well with heels but I don't care that they are unimportant and uninteresting because I know that she's capable of turning them into funny jokes or memorable stories. And suddenly I realize that if I ever do write this book, Caroline will surely be a huge part of it.

"So how's your book coming? And please tell me that you got beyond three pages because you've been telling me the same thing for about a month now! " she says to me while shooting me one of her looks.

" Actually I'm stuck at the second page so I won't be telling you that… I just can't write it, because .."

" … you want to figure out who you are and live good enough adventures to write about and all that.. Elena! You've been using the exact same excuses for weeks now! And you haven't even begun to search for this lost soul of yours or gone out of your apartment to see the actual world and live those 'adventures'! " She interrupts me and I can't even blame her because even I have grown tired of my own excuses. I don't say a thing for a few seconds and when I do I can't believe that those words parted my own lips

" you know what ? you're completely right, as you always are of course. Which is why , You and I will go out tonight and experience New York at its finest and meet new people and get wasted and who knows maybe we will pass out on the street or yell for no reason in the middle of the road at midnight " I say with so much excitement and determination that I fail to notice that Caroline is looking at me with a questioning look and probably asking herself what kind of alien has embodied me but she goes with the flow and nods and we agree to the time a place of our soon to happen rendez-vous.

Caroline had to leave almost immediately after our agreement because she got a call from a client and had to go. But I stayed there buried in my thoughts trying to crawl out of my writers block. This night feels promising already. It could start a new life for me, new opportunities even if that might sound exaggerated to most people it is the absolute truth. I've been standing at square one for as long as I have because of my state of my mind, because I've been afraid to leave my comfort zone and see the world from a different point of view. Tonight I will start a revolution on my old self and let the real me develop and exist. I don't necessarily mean that I will turn out to be some wild party girl or anything of the sort. Just that I will discover new things and through those I will meet new a part of my soul. I will let out the wildest parts of myself exist and accept the darkest of them. I want my life to feel more real and more mine. I want to feel real heart break and know absolute joy. And by opening up this window tonight I will be able to open the door.

But I can't stop wondering, what will it be that changes me forever? Will I fall on my face and wake up brand new? Will I see spot some guy between the crowd and our eyes will meet and fall inlove from the first sight? Or maybe I'll find a long lost relative?

I really don't know, and I like that feeling of mystery and uncertainty.

I snap out of my thoughts and wonder ,with the feeling of my phone buzzing in my pocket.

It's Caroline "Wear something sexy tonight! I'm bringing you a date, his name is Stefan… BE NICE xoxo "


	2. Chapter 2 - The Date

A date?

The entire idea inspired different thoughts and emotions in my head. I wanted the night to be about me, I didn't know whether I was ready to sacrifice most of time, trying to make small talk with a person that I will probably never speak to again. I love Caroline, I really do but when it comes to playing cupid she's the absolute worst. But at the same time, another part in me was excited to see this person, a part that couldn't stop wondering what he could look like, that wanted to learn about him and who he is so much, that that sensation terrified me a little. After all who knows? Maybe this meeting will add some magic to my way too rushed plan… And anyway it Is too late for second guessing now. Caroline will pick me up in an hour and I'm still in my purple slippers and giant college hoodie.

I hurry to my room, not having a clue what I'm going to wear. I guess my plan wasn't at all that well thought after all. I spend 20 minutes going through my entire closet, then I randomly choose to wear a black strapless dress matched with black pumps that Bonnie got me for my birthday last year…

I laugh at myself because that decision sounded ironic to me, I celebrating my soul searching with doing the least me-like thing: wearing heels. I just hope I won't fall on my face or break my ankles. I choose to let my hair down, I don't curl it, I just leave it the way it is.

And when I check my watch, I notice that I'm already more than ten minutes late, Caroline has probably planned eighty six different ways she is going to murder me!

She's waiting for me in her car while holding on tightly to her phone and eyeing my building with such impatience.. And when she finally sees me she let's go of it and puts it in her bag rapidly while screaming out " Hallelujah! And you dare to accuse me of taking forever to get ready? "

I open the door and sit next to her while apologizing endlessly and justifying my late arrival while trying to adjust my very uncomfortable dress.

She said that we'll meet up with Klaus, her boyfriend and Stefan who is apparently a buddy of his at a club called "The Black Diamond"… Turns out this time, Caroline wasn't the matchmaker! She and Klaus have been together for about four months now, they met while she was writing an article about him for her magazine, since he is one of New York's youngest and richest business men. To a stranger they might seem like the oddest most unlikely of couples but they actually get on well together which still shocks me every time, because their characters are basically the total opposite of one another.

We arrive to our destination, the place seems crowded we barely found a spot to park the car. And when we got out I was overwhelmed by hope and certainty. I knew something better and different was waiting for me. Lights were shining brighter than the sun, people were moving everywhere around us, you could hear the sound of music coming through the walls, making me energetic and ready to dance already. I guess my blind faith is my most loyal companion lately.

We walk inside, and somehow Caroline's look fell on Klaus who was getting drinks at the bar. I can barely see with all the people pushing me trying to get from one spot to another and the blinding lights. She waved at him while sporting her beautiful smile. The bar was too crowded anyway so he came immediately to us while smiling back, but he wasn't alone. He was accompanied by a guy, he seemed fairly tall, his hair appeared to be nothing less than flawless , it had the color of sunshine, you could see his green eyes piercing through the lights, and his jaw was strong, but somehow his features looked tender and smooth. I felt as if I knew him my entire life. He was noticeably good looking. Then I realized that there's a very high chance that this guy could be my date? And suddenly the idea didn't seem too bad. He was wearing a light blue shirt and a loose tie , and he was holding his jacket in his hands which probably means that he came straight from work and is actually employed unlike the last guy Caroline set me up with.

I get lost in my thoughts.. again.. that I fail to notice that he's actually standing right in front of me and greeting me, I nervously manage to say Hi. Then Klaus invited us to take our seats, and pointed towards our table while he proposed to get us our drinks, Caroline said that she'd go with him, and winked at me. I think even she was surprised by Stefan and who can blame her?. I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs when Stefan, out of the blue put his hand around my waist and guided me to the table. You don't usually expect people to have enough confidence to act that intimate after five minutes of meeting you. But I was glad that he had enough courage to do so, because the feeling of his hand on my body felt extremely good. He was acting like a gentleman for the most part which was confusing to me.

"I know we've just me, but I'm quite certain that you're staring?"He said to me, and I wasn't sure whether he was joking… but his remark took me by surprise. But I decided not to let it show.

"No, I just got lost in my thoughts, I guess… That's what writers do right?" I manage to answer, but at least I didn't lie.

" I wouldn't know! But Terry Josephson did say that no matter where you go or what you do , you live your …"

"entire life within the confines of your head… " I interrupt while failing to hide my amazement. That quote is one of my favorites and almost my life motto!

"Do you wanna get out of here? Go somewhere we can talk? I'm not really big on clubs"

"Neither am I"I repliec then I grabbed my purse and followed him out , probably my most reckless decision so far. This guy is practically a stranger to me and I chose to go with him and leave my best friend without a warning, while he could easily turn out to be a psychopath and shoot me in the head as soon as we leave. But there was something about him that made me trust him instantly and not question his motives. I still don't even know his last name or where he lives but all I knew is that he had this look in his eyes, so soft and mesmerizing. They say that the eyes are the mirror to the soul. And in his case his soul felt like magic and beauty. Not how I expected my night to turn out. I walking side by side with one of the most intriguing yet handsome men I ever met, in the middle of the streets of new York and it's almost midnight.

We talk about all different kind of subjects, and surprisingly I let him lead the conversation. Not what I usually do, but I like listening to what he says so much that I hand him the throne and choose to tag along. We talk about politics ,music and books. We have almost the same opinions but different tastes. He is more daring and confident than I ever were or ever will be. Then suddenly he stops and looks at me for a while, just looking through my eyes. And I feel so exposed , like he's reading right through me. I feel vulnerable under his look. I find it surprising that he chose to look into my eyes while most guys at the club or in the street chose to stare at my cleavage or my legs. Then out of nowhere he said "Take off your heels, and how about I race you to that pizza place across the street? Whoever wins, gets an extra slice.. " he proposed

And he doesn't wait for my response, as if he were so sure that I can't resist the offer since first I came here to do something different and crazy, and it doesn't get crazier than this, and secondly I am starving.

So I do as he says, and it surprises me that I do it by choice, not because he asked me to. I guess I never knew how much I wanted to run bare foot in the middle of the streets before. As the wind is rushing through with my hair and hitting my skin all I can think of is . Will Stefan be plot twist to my life story?


	3. Chapter 3 - The After

Today already feels like a fresh start. Sunshine is filling my bedroom, and happiness and hope are lighting my soul. People are really capable of forcing you to experience and see things from a different perspective. And turns out that getting out of my comfort zone, isn't as scary as I have imagined it in my head. But I assume that what has made it easy was having a partner in crime, even though my associate wasn't at all new to the experience, but feeling like there is somebody by your side willing to guide you through and show you details of their lives with such understanding and passion, puts you at ease. Yesterday I have made a friend. And I'm willing to let fate play its game and sort out the rest of what is yet to come from this newly founded friendship.

Letting go of what you're used to, forgetting about all your worries and not having to lift all the world's weight on your shoulders have been as liberating as humanly possible to me. Because I no longer feel like I should stay and hide inside my shell and thoughts. I no longer think that I should adapt a certain attitude and personality and be those things until my rest breath. And I no longer care what a stranger in the streets might think of me, or that I'm taking a risk in life that might leave me in an unenviable situation. I feel as if every experience will somehow manage to teach me something, show me things that I have never seen before and sketch my character. I can't sit back and wait for my dreams and desires to fulfill themselves. I am on a never ending journey towards self liberation and soul searching and I have never felt more bliss.

Stefan invited me to the unknown; I let myself run in the middle of the street under the stars while failing at stopping myself from laughing like a baby that has just taken its very first steps. He talked to me, listened to me and shared what's going on in his head with what can be described as brutal honesty. He made me feel like my own person, like I am capable of doing whatever I desire. He made me believe that life is what we make it, that we are responsible for our own destiny and define our path. He stayed up until dawn, never taking his eyes off of mine. Succeeding noticeably at capturing my full attention… A small café in the corner of the street is where the magic happens contrary to popular beliefs.

I have taken a liking to this fascinating character. A man that is capable of looking like a presentable serious business man, and still hold on to his wildness and attractive looks, a guy that has built his own world from exciting contradictory elements. Stefan Salvatore is a name that can make people's heads turn and focus their attentions because not only he is a sight to look at, but the words that come out of his mouth are extremely valuable and interesting.

I have settled my mind on buying a diary. I've been writing about Stefan and everything that happened since that night. Because let's say that I have adopted the belief that the smallest of details can make the bigger differences later on and I'm not going to deny if that I'm going to write an autobiography, I am certainly going to need some notes.

I hear knocking on my door, as expected. Caroline is coming over to ask about my opinion since she is incapable of choosing the cover for this issue of her magazine.

"Hello there! I imagined that after I set you up with one of New York's elite you'd at least make the mere effort of calling and telling me about absolutely every single detail instead of just texting to ask me about his freaking last name like some creepy stalker" Somehow Caroline has managed to say all that as soon as she set foot inside my apartment and in one single breath. She really does deserve a medal for this rare talent of hers.

"C'mon Caroline, there's not much to say" I replied and for some reason I lied to my best friend, maybe because I felt as if what we shared was something special that I wanted to protect and treat as mine solely. I really do not know how my brain functions sometimes.

" Yeah totally convincing. I mean it's not like you ran off at the middle of the night with a guy you were just introduced to by Klaus! Kudos for that by the way…" Caroline was being sarcastic yet supportive and understanding.. One more reason to love this bubbly talkative person that is sitting on my couch shooting me the where's my glass of wine look.

"Okay, you've made your point… First of all I'm sorry for bailing on you and please thank Klaus for me… Stefan is like the perfect solution to every single problem that I have had in a while. I have written 27 more pages since that night, I can't stop thinking about him. I want to know every aspect to his character. He made me run bare foot in the middle of the night in a tight uncomfortable dress, and he ran in his suit like the most free of creatures. And I honestly can't wait to see him again" I answered, while mastering the art of talking a whole a lot in one single breath. I guess hanging out with Car has been paying off.

"Whoa! Slow down… All of that sounds wonderful Elena! I'm really happy that you got over that cheesy writer's block of yours but you got to start treating him like a person and not a magical character in one of your stories. "Caroline said to me and every single expression on her face indicated that she was deadly serious. And I honestly stopped listening after that sentence. Because it is true, I know some characterizations about Stefan but that doesn't give me the right to use him to write down a few pages. Or assume that I know him well enough to jump into my own conclusions and build up his character in my imagination. I know that I do like him. Because that warm feeling that fills your entire body and makes you feel calm and nervous at the same time, is a sensation that I haven't felt often.

So I owe it to myself to learn who Stefan is but through his own words. I owe it to him to fight off my curiosity and not use his character for my own benefit.

Caroline left after an hour, and during that short period of time we picked a cover for the issue, Caroline managed to drink half a bottle of wine and I got Stefan's number from her through Klaus.

As soon as I was alone, I took my phone and dialed his number, I wasn't sure whether he felt the same as I did , but the new me decided to take the risk and never look back so I did.

"Hey! Is this.. Stefan Salvatore?" I say while feeling anguish and uncertainty because I have no idea what is coming

"Yes, Elena you have the right number, I see you've managed to learn both my last name and phone number! Turns out you are multitalented ha! " He answered and I felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore! How come he always manages to catch me off guard even when we're not seeing face to face but I don't say anything I just hold onto the phone while breathing heavily so he takes my turn and says

" Don't get upset, I'm just trying to be funny and obviously failing miserably and don't think me weird I'm just good with voices and names"

I laughed slightly because I did think that he was funny but I was too nervous to say it so again he took my turn and proposed

"So how about dinner tonight? Wherever you want I would really like to see you again! "

"Yes! Absolutely.. My place at 8 ? I'll cook if you want" I said feeling some kind of pride because I actually said something.

" Can't wait! Have a good day beautiful"

He said then he hang up.

I would have really enjoyed his compliment but the only thought that was repeating itself in my head was

I CANT EVEN COOK!


	4. Chapter 4

**I wanted to write this chapter from Stefan's POV. So that we have an idea on how they both truly feel. Your reviews are always appreciated. I hope you like this chapter. Tell me what you think **

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I have been on a hundred different dates throughout my life since I was a high school student who had an extremely awkward haircut and braces until nowadays. But never have I once felt this way about someone since those days of oblivion. I know that I have only seen her once before, and I know that I can't be reckless when It comes to giving away my heart, especially after my most remarkable experience … but I don't feel like I can control it. There was something in her eyes that drew me in and held me captive. She had a fiery look in her chocolate brown eyes. Her gaze made me feel accepted and warm. And she had this spark in them, which mirrored what an intelligent person she truly is. So here I am, holding a bouquet of sunflowers with my overly sweaty palms and standing in front of her door. I check my watch and when I realize that I'm exactly on time I knock slightly. My heart skips a beat when I see her standing in front of me. She looks absolutely ravishing. My lips part a little and I stare at her for a moment, I just want to memorize how she looks, every single detail. She has her long slick hair worn down and she is wearing knee high black leather boots and a mini matching skirt along with a white shirt and a dark grey blazer. She does definitely look like a writer. She welcomes me inside after I give her the flowers, and we exchange a quick hug which drew a huge smile on her beautiful face.

"You have a really nice place, Elena" I say while moving my look from one item to another

"Thank you. I think it's too plain. I never really had time to sit down and decorate. I could use Caroline's help in that department "she replied while following my stare with hers.

"I differ. I think that's what's so nice about it. It feels like you. It portrays your personality: So simple, and organized yet so beautiful and unique in its own way. At first everything seems to be specifically in place and well thought out but then I look at that painting or one of those souvenirs thingies and I think how stupid I've been not to see the exotic and exceptional second part that the place portrays. Just like you" I state while pointing with my finger at the different objects I mentioned then finally settling my look on her.

We stare at one another for a while, I don't know for how long. But it's not awkward and it's not boring. We just appreciate that we are both here, together, at this moment. I for one was slightly surprised with my words because I didn't think twice before saying any of them. And she looked flattered and shy… She let out a hint of a smile. She didn't know what to say; I guess I caught her off guard. Or maybe I just made an entire scenario out of something random. I don't know, but I don't regret saying what I say because it was honest and true. And I think that truth and honesty should be celebrated and not denied.

"Honestly… How much you seem to understand me terrifies me. I'm not really an open book and I never liked the idea of being exposed. I'm still working on the sharing part " She breaks the quiet while motioning at me to sit down and join her on the couch.

" I understand. I'm not an open book either. But I do think that it's nice to have someone that gets what's storming in your brain and who you are from time to time."

" Can't argue you that Stefan Salvatore!... You must be starving, let me check up on dinner.. I'll be back in a flash" She said and hurried towards her kitchen but she ran back towards me after a short minute with a look of displease and embarrassment drawn all over her face.

"Um.. I'm sorry but dinner is ruined. Cooking, add it to the least of things I'm not very good at, more like unbelievably horrible at"

I smile at her, because I like how she looks even though she's in a situation of discomfort so I say to ease it up

" I know! And that's exactly why there is homemade, extremely delicious lasagna in my backseat right downstairs. You know, if you want some? " I mention

"Wait! How did you know that I can't cook? " She says surprised and while cocking her eyebrows

" Lucky guess! "

* * *

I wake up after another long tireless night. Our date was such a beautiful adventure that took place in a small apartment in new York. I liked the sound of that. We ate the lasagna I made, and Elena couldn't stop complementing my cooking skills and made me promise to teach her even though she thinks she is a lost cause. We drank red wine and shared childhood stories, and that's how I learned that she is from a small town called Mystic Falls and that she is still bestfriends with the same two girls since they were all six : Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bonnett but Caroline is more present in her life right now since Bonnie is out of the country due to business. We sat down on the floor and shared a bottle of nutella and laughed like children which was my favorite part of the whole night. She is a very interesting and fun person to be around…

"Yes Rebekah! I am absolutely sure that I'm mentally healthy! She's just different from everyone I know." I say in response to my best friend's accusations that I must be in some kind of physiological trauma

"Calm down, love! You can't really blame me for being shocked. I've known you for six years now and I just realized that you're such a nutella fanatic " She jokes around, as usual.

"Very funny! So should I call her now or when I get back home? " I ask with utter seriousness that he facial expressions change.

" Are you bloody kidding me? You can't call the morning after your first date. She is probably still asleep. Not everyone is immune to hangovers like yourself you know. She'll think you're some stalker. Just give it time darling" She advises me

"I'm willing to take my chances! I'll give her a call when I go home"

"Aren't you one stubborn guy?" She declares

"I learned from the best, Love! " I answer mockingly

"Attempting at making a sarcastic comeback and trying to perfect an English accent… isn't that progress?" I guess I can't beat her at her game.

It's just how Rebekah and I are. We joke around, we make fun of each other and ourselves at every single given chance. But if the situation would demand it, I would gladly take a bullet in the heart for her. She has been my best friend for years now and a very big part of my life. I love everything about her: Her endless snarky sarcastic comments, her ability to turn my day around and make me laugh. Rebekah has been everywhere! She traveled all around the world since she was a kid with her parents and siblings. Until someday she decided to settle down in the city and get a job like us normal people. That's how I met her, she used to be Klaus' assistant for a while. Asides from being the best company I've had for ages , she is one of the prettiest girls I've met: she has deep blue eyes that are tremendously captivating, her blonde hair falls perfectly on her shoulders and her freckles remind me of home. And did I mention how jealous I am of her accent? She is originally from England.

Anyway, she and I have been through so many tears and laughter together. That's why I can't help it but to go to her whenever something happens in my life. I trust her and her opinions. And even though I would never admit it to her face, but I absolutely adore her comments and sense of humor. She is once special girl that I'm very lucky to have in my life.

" I almost forgot! Speaking of brunettes… Guess who called me last night? " She said out of the blue

"Sandra Bullock?" I answer jokingly. I do watch a lot of movies.

" Close enough! Katherine Pierce, your high school sweetheart"

And that's when I forgot how to speak.


	5. Chapter 5- The Darkness Inside

**This is a darker chapter. It tells us some facts about Elena's past. I wasn't sure what to do write until I started typing so I really hope you like it and don't forget to tell me what you thinK**

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One of the worst feelings in the universe is being given so much hope then suddenly seeing the universe take it away all from you so brutally, so unexpectedly. After you work so hard to open up and let go of what you've been doing for most part of your life, you find yourself all alone again. I don't understand how such cruelty could exist. All I can do is burry myself in my work and type an infinite number of words. Maybe typing it would help me get over these awful feelings of despair and hopelessness. I had opened up to him, after promising myself never to do so with any human being. And for a second, I believed that life was getting better and opening up its arms for me. During that short period of time, I was able to liberate myself a little and break my own chains. I found someone that I thought was going to inspire me to keep fighting and share our most precious moments together but clearly those feelings were one sided. I haven't heard from Stefan ever since I last saw him. I left him a thousand messages and voice mails but it's all useless. He is avoiding me at all costs. Last week he said that he couldn't wait to see me again, that he finds me intriguing and beautiful, and that he hasn't laughed this much in a long time. But the human mind is such a fascinating thing that Is capable of making people change their opinions over night. I guess this is what happens when you let yourself fly… You simply fall and crush. I don't feel bad because of him or anger towards him. I'm just disappointed that after everything I've been through, I have allowed myself to let my happiness and state of mind depend on someone else, especially a person that I don't know well enough. I am angry with my own self because I have let myself down and rebelled against my own rules. So I start questioning myself again. Would it have been so terrible if I simply let things be? What kind of person decides to change everything in their life so suddenly?. This is all my fault, I've been reckless with my heart and choices and right now I'm paying the price. Seems like a logical series of events.

And after all maybe it is for the best. Maybe he was smart enough to get away from me and run with his life. After all I was capable of hurting the people closest to me, the one person I loved most. I caused so much pain and sadness. I tried running away and changing locations but that would never change the fact that I'm like a growing disease that destroys everything at its wake. And even if I never talk about what I caused, even if I try to hide the dark side and pretend it is all okay… Nothing would ever change. I tried to forget and forgive myself, but I don't deserve such mercy. Days like these are my absolute nightmare. When the truth unveils itself and I can no longer ignore my past. All I see is his face looking at me with his sad beautiful black eyes and bruises all over his figure. He haunts me in my dreams. I have to face it all, once again. Maybe I deserve to be alone and to be left lonely. I shouldn't be playing the victim because I am the murderer. I have been for the past decade. A murderer with the mask of a martyr …

* * *

_It's early in the morning, I'm overwhelmed by the smell of vanilla filling every inch of my room, and I'm enjoying the feeling of sunshine creeping through the window and touching my face. My mom must be baking her famous cookies downstairs and instant hunger fills my body as soon as the smell reaches my nose. I love her signature pastries so much. I could survive on solely them and water of course. Today is my father's 50th birthday so she must be having something special in mind; I'm hoping that it involves chocolate. My mother loves to spoil us with food. It's how she shows us love. I've always been amazed by how delicious her cooking is and how she manages to keep us all healthy and in shape all at the same time. She is such a miracle worker._

_Thank god it's Friday because I haven't had the chance to buy my dad a proper gift yet. I have been so busy with school and I'm working on a short story for my high school magazine. Baby steps … I can't wait for high school to end and college to start! I decided to go to Whitmore although I've been accepted to many other highly recommended universities all over the country. I applied to them never thinking that I would ever get accepted. Whitmore is only a couple hours away from Mystic Falls. That's how I'll be able to be close to my family and friends while pursuing my future and working on my writing. I don't like the idea of leaving everything behind and starting brand new. I already have so much here that Is worth staying for even if most people would disagree. I have a loving relationship with both my parents. I have two beautiful best friends, although I doubt they'll be staying home. Both Caroline and Bonnie are aiming high and willing to make the sacrifice unlike me and an annoying beautiful younger brother who makes my days a little better. _

_Speaking of whom, I promised him to take him with me to shop for our father… Jeremy hasn't turned sixteen yet which means he can't drive. So I'm his personal chauffeur. He always begs me to let him drive a little even around the street, just to practice, he keeps going about what a naturally talented driver he is and how his older friends trust him with their cars. My parents would ground him for eternity if they knew about how he passes his free time. But that is what siblings are for right? Jeremy and I are so much different. He likes to go out and have fun, he is a popular kid among his peers… He enjoys sports and is very good at them. While I'm a shy indoors kind of person who has two friends and that is highly sufficient. I'm only interested in creativity and art. I told my parents that I want to sign up for guitar lessons and they agreed… They'd do anything to see me get out of the house and behave like a normal teenager. _

_I grab a cookie from the counter, it's still hot but it tastes heavenly. My mother pours a cup of coffee and she gives me a kiss on the cheek. _

_"Did you decide what you're going to get for your father?" she said after offering me another cookie and wearing her beautiful smile._

_"Yes, I decided to get him a couple of books.. I saw an autobiography of a child cancer survivor that is talking about how much her doctor has helped her get through her illness.. I thought that would help letting dad know how important his job is, and how much the kids really do appreciate his help and attention, maybe I'll get him a watch too! " I replied while explaining and using various hand gestures, it's a habit that I could never get rid of . My mother pays full focus to me while standing with her hands crossed over her chest._

_"I like that! You're such a good gift giver Elena! I think your father would love that book! I can't wait for the day I have a signed copy of your first novel between my hands. You've already made us so proud sweetie. " She says while trying not to choke on her tears and then gesturing to pull me in for a hug, moved by her words, I instantly jump out of my chair and pull her in for a long warm hug until Jeremy interrupts us._

_"You two are too sensitive for your own good! " He says while taking a bite of my cookie._

_"Yeah! Says the guy who saw the notebook over a bazillion times." I state. Jeremy Is a sucker for that movie and I never fail at holding him against him although I love the fact that he loves it._

_"Hey! That movie is a classic; you can't hold that against me " He jokes _

_We leave the house, after saying goodbye and when we reach my car he pulls his hand of the pocket of his jacket showing off a metallic thing. I look closer and I snap as soon as I notice that those are my car keys. He took them behind my back! Why do little brothers have to be so much work!?_

_"Give those back right now or I swear I'm going to tell mom about this and your extra-curricular activities" I yell loud enough to make sure that my mom couldn't hear us_

_"Okay okay! Just let me drive this once! The library is only two blocks away! Why can't you trust me Elena?" He answers and I find myself torn between doing the right thing for our safety and proving to my brother that I do trust him and think him good enough. _

_We stare at each for a moment and I run my fingers through my hair then I say_

_"Only two blocks okay! If you do anything wrong you're getting out and handing me the keys… got it? " I say foolishly! I decided to give my fifteen year old brother the keys to my car choosing to ignore all the consequences and going behind my parents' backs… This is not going to be good. But I calm myself by thinking how Mystic Falls is mostly empty during Friday mornings and how short our distance is._

_I take the passenger seat. And I pray to all gods that Jeremy won't make me regret my decision. I show him the basics and he nods and confirms that he is already aware and states how he has experience in the department._

_Surprisingly he is not bad at all. I feel so much relief when I spot the library, we are almost there. I can already see the neon sign. _

_"WATCH OUT! " I yell at Jeremy and I try to take control of the vehicle. _

_That's when everything turned to black. I can't feel my body. The only sensation that is invading my figure is dizziness and confusion. Everything seems to be upside down. I can barely breathe. I can see my face covered in scars and blood reflected on the broken glass surrounding me. My lungs feel like they are going to explode. I hear a hundred voices. Strangers' voices surrounding the car , trying to get us out of there. I look next to me, moving my look to Jeremy, I manage to gather enough strength to pronounce his name. But there is no evidence that he was ever with me in the car. I can't even feel his breath and he isn't reaching out to me in any kind of way. I try to reach him with my hand but I can't do it and I lose consciousness._

_I wake up in a small room, with light blue walls; I'm lying down and attached to a million machines. I can feel my head pounding and hurting so much. I can hardly see anything, it all seems so blurry, and It takes me about a minute to remember what happened. That's when I try to stand up and go look for Jeremy but I can't move a single muscle. And when the nurse notices my attempt she helps me get comfortable and asks me to lay still until the doctor comes to check up on me. _

_My parents are sitting next to me, holding each other's hands. I can see the tears running down my mother's face. Her look appears lost and sad. She is shaking and her eyes are red from crying. My dad is trying to remain calm and not join her in her sorrow. He is trying to be strong for her, as he always does. But that doesn't stop the tears from leaving his green eyes. _

_I don't understand why they are acting this way. Yes we've been in a terrible accident but they saw me wake up and the doctor has probably informed them that I'll be fine. Where is all this coming from? Did the fear of losing us cause them to cry and scream..?_

_Then I remember_

_Jeremy…_

_Maybe …_

_No It can't be … He was fine, he was driving next to me, he was alive and smiling and we were going to get our father nice presents. He is just a child and my brother. He can't possibly be gone._

_My father gets closer to my bed, and he reaches for my hand, he wipes out a tear and says._

_" Elena honey, I need you to listen to me and remain calm. You have been through an awful accident and… " he stops to swallow.. he can't say it.. I look at him with anticipation even though I know what he is going to say, If I had enough strength I would have put my hands over my ears to stop reality from catching up with me._

_"You are okay. You'll get back on your feet in a couple weeks but your brother.. Jeremy.. the doctors tried … but they couldn't help him"_

_"No" I say interrupting him_

_"Elena honey, he is gone"_

_"No" I say calmly waiting for my father to tell me otherwise, to say that this is some sort of mistake that life couldn't possibly rob my only sibling so suddenly. _

_" NO NO NO , This can't be true! You're lying! NO" I yell and cry and somehow I manage to raise myself from the bed. I can't stop crying. My father is crying too and so is my mother. They are grieving the loss of their son and I'm only making it worse. It takes a nurse to come to calm me down and put me to sleep._

_The only thought in my head is_

_I am a murderer, I killed my own brother.. It's all my fault. If I hadn't let him drive he would be alive, we would all be home celebrating instead of sobbing in a hospital. I took away his life and dreams. I robbed him from his parents and stole away all the good years that he had coming._

_I am a murderer._


	6. Chapter 6 - Salvation

**This is a longer chapter from both of their point of views. I hope you enjoy it. Your reviews are always appreciated AND helpful**

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**STEFAN'S POV.**

The last few days seem as a never ending eternity of misery. I have put an immense amount of effort into my journey of moving on and forgetting about the tragedies of the past. She has always held power over me. She knew exactly how to manipulate me into believing her lies each time and making me feel utterly insane whenever I dared to question her motives. Katherine Pierce has ruined my life and left me lying dead on the battlefield with a broken, shattered soul …Thinking of it now, she mastered the art of making me absolutely unhappy. But I loved her more than anyone and anything in the world. Within her lived two contradicting sides, one of them won over my heart and the second broke it. One was absolutely striking. She was beautiful; the most beautiful girl I even laid eyes one. She was daring and confident and freer than the birds flying above. Her walk was so majestic and seductive, like she owned the world and all its creatures. She had big curls bouncing on her shoulders every time she moved, she was given the most beautiful brown eyes, her look showed all sorts of emotions, it was attractive and sexy yet innocent and deep. Her skin was silky as if it were made out of porcelain. But what I loved most about her was her child-like laugh, because her giggles were the most spontaneous and real thing about her. During them she'd allow herself to unveil the truth about who she is and let out a childish beautiful laugh that always held me captive. But she also carried a dark side. She was in constant need of full attention. And apparently mine wasn't enough. She loved the idea of being everybody's dream girl. She wanted everything to revolve around her. She was manipulative; she used my love for her and held it as a deadly weapon against me. She was also unbelievably selfish and I believe that she hasn't changed a bit ever since I first met her. All she cared about was herself and well being. Katherine Pierce was for sure her number one concern. Sometimes she would get jealous for absolutely no reason and turn the tables on me, accusing me of cheating on her or not loving her, while in fact I have dedicated my entire life to her for several years since I was an oblivious teenager. But all of those things don't come to compare with all of her lies. Not one bit. Katherine and I were romantically involved since my junior year. And I couldn't let go of her, not until she had ruined me completely. She adored playing games and breaking hearts. But I loved her with all my soul, with everything I had.

At least this time I didn't have to face seeing her standing on my doorstep and begging for my forgiveness as she usually does, at least his time I don't have to step on my heart and let her in again only for her to destroy me yet once more. Somehow she has managed to get Rebekah's number, and somehow she educated herself on my life and friends; pretending to give a damn about me and whatever is going on in my life . Maybe she meant to warn me about her soon entrance to my life all over again. I can only hope that it's not the case.

I noticed that my phone has been dead for several days so I charged it and I found multiple voice messages from Rebekah, Klaus even Caroline? And ELENA!

I can't begin to think what idea she must have of me right now. But it is probably for the best. Her hating me would save her so much heartache and trouble. A lively , beautiful person like her doesn't deserve to be with an emotionally scarred person , zombie like me. But she also deserves an explanation. She deserves to know that I'm the villain in this story and that she should have higher aspirations than myself and not to let the smiles and suits fool her.

* * *

ELENA's POV

It's been over a week since I last heard his voice. And seeing his name on my phone screen drew an instant smile on my face. Even if I had practically lost all hope. We skip all introductions as if we are hungry for each other's words and thoughts.

" So, did you finally pay your phone bill? You know if you need a raise, Caroline could always get you In good favors with Klaus." I say jokingly. I have had about ten days to think clearly about this. And I have realized that I really do like Stefan. I also concluded that I felt my happiest lately when I was with him and that he represented a good inspiration for me. People like him deserve to cut them some slack; after all I don't really know what was going on with his life.

"Oh! You mean Klaus.. My best friend of six years? ; Yeah, I think an old bottle of red wine would gain me his endless favors. Trust me on that one" He said through a laugh. All I can think about is how much I have missed listening to his voice and how even if he says all the words in the English vocabulary I'd always need to hear more.

"Same goes for Caroline."

"Listen, I really need to see you. I have something that I need to tell you, a lot that I need to tell you. Can I come over?" He asks and I look around me, I am sitting on my couch facing the tv screen and watching one of those annoying yet addictive reality tv shows. My place is a mess. I am a mess! But I am free so, why not?

"Yeah sure! I'm waiting for you."

" I'm on my way "

I put my phone down and I jump to my room. I try to look presentable. Since I've been sitting in my underwear and my big black hoodie and holding a bowl of cereal in my hands for the last couple hours. I put on a pair of blue jeans and a white button up shirt and my uggs. I release my hair from the messy bun it has been in. And I focus my attention on cleaning up my place in a defying humanity kind of speed.

Luckily, I managed to make my place look clean and organized in fifteen minutes. And when I was done, I started remembering how bothered and sad he sounded. His voice let out hints of enormous sadness and distress even if he was joking and laughing ;he usually sounds energetic and full of hope, like he's defied all obstacles. I started worrying about what could have possibly caused such a turn of character. I guess I'll have to wait for a couple more minutes.

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Stefan's POV

It's freezing outside, but I chose to walk because I needed to clear my head, to gather my thoughts and prepare how I'm going to explain myself. I was planning to tell her over the phone, but as soon as I heard her voice I couldn't help it but to smile and to act like nothing is wrong, while there is a war in my head. I am torn between being with the one girl I've sincerely liked in years and stepping away and saving her the torture of being with a wreck like myself.

I climb the stairs, my hands in the pockets of my jacket. Probably looking at so much unease, I know that's how I feel anyway…

She welcomes me inside after, of course, pulling me in one of her warm hugs. Seeing her smile, makes me feel a little better, and more like a monster for not opening up sooner and hiding so much of my past already. We sit on the exact spot we did the last time I was here. She asks whether I want a drink and I motion no. I'm trying to get this over with, to spare me and her some heartache. So I take her hands in mine, look at her and say :

" I can't be with you Elena, you deserve so much better; you deserve someone who can give you all of themselves and I can't do that because I've already lost myself long ago, and I'm sure that there is no going back now. "

She looks, surprised, more like shocked. She wasn't expecting me to shift into someone else and I can't even blame her. My head hurts, everything does, I just wish the ground could swallow me, so I no longer have to break her heart nor remember how mine was broken several times through the years, in details. I don't want to remember the lies and the ache. I just want to move on. And Katherine can't even grant me that luxury.

"I don't understand" she looks worried and concerned, and not remotely angry or pissed at me. Now she's the one pressing on my hands and keeping them in hers. She's looking at me with so much love and comprehension. She doesn't want me to justify why I chose to end it, she wants to understand why I feel the way I do.

I let go of her hands and I stand up facing the wall feeling my blood boil inside of me because I really do like her and I don't want to hurt her.

"Because I'm ruined , Elena, for good. Because I was a fool before and I gave my heart on a silver plate to a person who only cared about herself, I promised forever to a liar and a manipulator . I gave my all, everything I had, too much, to go back from. I'm doomed with this fate. But .. that doesn't mean you have to suffer being with an emotional damaged person Elena! You deserve better than that.I can't be with you and watch myself destroy you like I've been destroyed ", I say and I think I even yelled at some parts. I let myself speak freely, I let myself let go of all of that anger bottled inside of me. I needed to.

"I don't believe that Stefan. I can't force you to be with me and I can't pretend to know all about you and your life. But I do know one thing, that the person that has inspired me to become a better person after seeing him only twice, can't possibly be ruined. The person who made me do the things that terrified me most for most part of my life, in a blink of an eye, can't possibly be done! The person who made me laugh and open up to him on our first date can't be damaged. I know that person well enough to know that you still have something to offer the world, something to offer me! , you have already made me so happy Stefan and .. "

I interrupt her suddenly overwhelmed by my feelings, I kiss her.

I put her face between my hands, and my lips fall on hers and it makes me feel like I've been born again. My heart skips a beat. The feeling of her kiss is heavenly, and out of the world. Her lips fit perfectly into mine. I feel as if my body is electrified. I think this is the closest to purity I've been my whole life. Sharing this with her simply feels right. I can feel her smiling through my lips. So we part a little and we look at each other for a minute, I keep playing with her hair, and I simply fall in love with her eyes, and all they carry behind them.

I smile and say " I think you might be right after all , Elena gilbert "

" I always am Stefan Salvatore " she let out a giggle after that sentence .

Then our lips meet again.

* * *

She's wearing her casual black leather jacket and her matching boots, sporting her signature curls and as usual turning heads. I've been shifting my focus to her for the past days. I can't believe how stunning she looks. I've been unable to gather the courage to walk up to her for a very long time. She's one of the very few girls who captured my attention at school. She walks like a goddess and seems not to care about what everyone thinks about her, or at least I think so. She changed her direction, and there a slight chance that she's coming towards me. And out of nowhere I see her standing in front of me, while shaping her lips into a smirk. She looks at me with her dark eyes and says

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to stare Salvatore? "

" You don't seem to mind Katherine" I reply, there It goes all the bravery I ever held within my bones, all in one sentence

"Ooh! Shy yet talks back! I like it "she said while putting her hand on my chest and looking me in the eye.

"How about we get out of here, drinks on you?" she suggested with sunning confidence

"And why do you seem so sure that I'll say yes?" I answer

"Because Mr. sunshine, you've been stalking me for the last week and I get a feeling that It wasn't because you were drawing me a portrait or wanted to ask me about the color of my lipstick? Am I right? " she faced me with the facts and well she was right

"So you were checking me too ha?" wow, this is a nice turn of events, me showing my inner Casanova

"Last chance, Salvatore"

I lead her to my car and I say jokingly while opening the door for her.

"Welcome abroad ms pierce "

She looks at me and steals away my car keys and hops over to the driver's seat.

"A gentleman is always appreciated Stefan, but today you're the passenger in the flight"

If there were anything such as love at first sight, I think it must be what I'm experiencing right now. I am absolutely starstruck, and left stunned by this fiery creature in front of me .


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry for taking too long to update !**

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I take a second to look around me and appreciate my surroundings. I'm with the people I care about most. My wonderful friends, my handsome boyfriend of over two months … Everyone is happy and cheerful. And everything seems to be perfect. No unnecessary drama or distress. We are all here to celebrate someone specific, and each other.

Today Bonnie comes back from Paris, she's been on a business trip for several months now. So Caroline and I decided to surprise her with a cozy welcome back party, which is taking place in my apartment since Bonnie and I are actually roommates! Although Bonnie is more financially capable than I am , we still chose to share a place. We wanted to be there for each other, and cherish our friendship. Bonnie and I think so much alike… Unlike Caroline, she is very calm and likes to think twice before she talks. She's also very tidy and organized. Caroline is more of a spontaneous girl, She likes to take things as they come and not plan everything ahead… Needless to say, together we form the best group of friends, a perfect combination between everything that we are.

"Elena, get behind the couch I think she's coming now!" Caroline hushed, motioning me to take my rightful place like we agreed an hour earlier. Stefan is right next to me , holding my hand and smiling . He's never met Bonnie before, but he knows what she looks like from childhood pictures that I've shown him, but my best friend has grown into an even more beautiful, successful woman. He was very excited to be here, and to get to know my friends and my world a little more.

"Surprise!" We all say at once, the second bonnie switches the lights on. Her lips part in surprise and then they quickly formed a huge smile on her face and of course she didn't fail to express her gratitude for both our efforts and presence.

"I can't believe you guys did this, you have no idea how much I've missed you" Bonnie expressed and Caroline &amp; me jumped on her pulling her in for a hug.

"We've missed you too Bon!"

I can feel his arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer to him. He greets Bonnie with his beautiful smile "Welcome Home! I'm Stefan Salvatore"

"Right! The boyfriend! Elena's told me so much about you, it's good to finally meet you Stefan" She said back, while shooting me a look, as if I just presented my high school crush to her!

"Likewise"

"Is anyone hungry? Because I'm starving, and hey Bonnie guess what I got for dessert " said Caroline excitedly

"I'm hoping Red velvet cake?" replied Bonnie looking even more excited than Caroline, if that was even possible!

"YES!"

* * *

Everyone left at almost 11p.m, it was an amusing night. We all enjoyed ourselves and got a rare chance to have fun together and forgot about all of our responsibilities. Stefan seemed to get along with everyone which made me happy, because I've been in situation where guys asked me to choose between them and my friends. I am a person who values friendship and loyalty so much. Bonnie and Caroline have been my life companions for almost two decades. I would never let anything come between the friendship we've worked hard to maintain for years. That's a pact we all made since we were kids, to put our friendship first and be there for each other, always.

Bonnie and I stayed up late, drinking hot chocolate, eating Oreos and discussing everything that's happened in those few long months.

"Paris is magical! The city is just breath taking and the people are surprisingly nice! And don't let me start on the food! I've gained at least ten pounds there. I spend whatever little time I had between meetings eating or taking silly selfies to send you" explained bonnie while showing me all the pictures she took of sights and herself on her phone and it's true… I've gotten so many selfies from bonnie, mostly ones with her locking eyes with a piece of cake or French fries.

"But there's no place like home right?" I say jokingly

"That's true! But I was born with the heart of a sixties French girl Elena"

"By the way, you still haven't told me what you think about Stefan, he said he thought you were very cool and smart."

I noticed her getting uncomfortable all of the sudden. She fixated her look on her cup and took a sip from it. I kept shooting her a questioning look. I mean she and Stefan seemed to get on well, they talked about France and business and they seemed to enjoy each other's company so why is she acting as I brought up her high school bully?

"I like him, he seems like an honest, forward nice guy.. but.. " she replied finally while emphasizing on certain words such as honest and forward

"but what? , say it" I exclaim

"Does he even know that you are writing a book about him? , or that everything that happens between the two of you is going to end up being a published novel?" She says while trying to sound as calm and not judgmental as imaginably possible

"I'm not writing a book about him Bonnie! I'm writing it about me, I'm documenting my own life and he happens to be my boyfriend, I have to mention him because he's already left his impact on my life… I don't see why he wouldn't be okay with that" I try to explain myself while failing to even convince my own self. My book has taken a shift lately, I've written a dozen chapters about my life with Stefan, I've even dedicated some of them to talk about his character and the things he's told me about himself.

"Listen, I'm your friend, you know I'm not going to judge you, I'm on your side… But even you don't believe that. You've always kept me updated on your writing progress, and the last chapters I've read are certainly not about you Elena. And I simply think that he has the right to know that you are using him and his life as material."

I shift my look to my computer on the table near and I think how everything on that device has the power to control my relationship's fate. Inside of it are the chapters that I've dared to type down, even after I promised myself not to do so. I even e-mailed my publisher what I've gotten done so far and she said that she likes it but if I don't dig deeper and give her someone more personal she won't be able to fight for the book and let it see the light. She said that she needed something that would create a buzz and make people talk about the book; otherwise no one would spend their time reading the autobiography of an unknown aspiring author.

"Anyway, I'm EXAUHSTED, I'm gonna go to bed.. Goodnight" Those were Bonnie last words before she disappeared into her room… Leaving me alone with my thoughts and guilt, hoping that sleep would be merciful enough to visit me and take my mind off of everything for a couple of hours

* * *

Last night I had a wake of consciousness, I couldn't sleep and decided to go to my publisher to discuss other book proposals with her, I've tried to write down as many ideas as I could hoping that she'd agree to at least one of them, some were very cheesy and repeated by I couldn't be creative when I was suffering from guilt and insomnia all at once.

First I stopped to get a cappuccino, from the nearest coffee house I could find. And I walked to the building trying to look composed and professional so that Lexi might consider giving me another chance.

Her assistant let me in, it was early in the morning so she had no other meetings. I walked inside, searching with my look for the critical yet comprehensive blonde but she nowhere to be found. Suddenly my eye caught a brunette that just walked in front of me, she must've came in right after me. Her dark curls were bouncing on her shoulders and she had a smirk on her face, she was remarkably good looking. I couldn't recognize her so I just assumed that she's another assistant.

"Good morning, do you by any chance know when Alexia will be coming?",I asked.

"She won't be" That was all she managed to say, she kept eyeing me weirdly as if I was a portrait that jumped out and came to life

"What does that mean? I've been working with her for months now , I e-mailed her just last week"

"It means she got a job proposal in London so, she took it. Do you understand that much? I'm her replacement, so you'll be dealing with me from now on." She said while walking towards her seat and making herself comfortable, as if she was trying to torture me with her words.

"That's quite impossible; I've been working on this book with her. And I don't think if you and I can start over. Can she and I keep on exchanging notes while she's in London at least ?" I proposed, because something inside of me told me that this supposed replacement wasn't good news and that it's going to be very hard for us to get along especially that I came with the intention of asking a favor from Lexi.

"Elena Gilbert, you're the one who is working on the autobiography right? You're contract is with us, not Alexia. You still owe us a book. And frankly I like what you've sent so far, especially the whole boyfriend/girlfriend experience. The readers will be able to relate, or at least want to be able to" She said to me, I was surprised that she knows who I am but I didn't read too much into it.

"Actually, I was hoping you could see my new proposals, I don't think I'm ready for an autobiography yet I mean I'm still in my twenties that wouldn't interest the adult readers" I try to sound convincing

"I don't think so, I've been in the business for a while, and I know a good book when I see one. Just focus on the boyfriend fantasy. Write it all, the sex, the personal stuff, the whole fantasy. Everyone has to want to be you: Teenagers, adults, housewives. Everyone has to want your life. And remember sex sells, especially since your boyfriend is Stefan Salvatore, a successful man, I've read about him in the NewYorker. "

"That the entire problem, I can't keep writing it, it's going to ruin my own relationship, I really do care about Stefan!" I burst

"Elena, you need to publish a book with us, and I'm telling you it's this one so you're going to write it. Don't tell the boyfriend, and just keep on doing what you do, It hasn't bothered you for months now you suddenly care? " She stated and at this point she had crossed a line. Even if she's the boss she had no right to talk to me like that. That's personal and I just met her

"You don't know me! I don't even know your name!" I say as I grab my files and start to get ready to leave the room, ironic since I was planning on staying professional.

"I'm Katherine Pierce" she presented herself, mockingly.

I stormed out of the room feeling blood boil in my vains; I can't do this to Stefan without his consent. And if I do tell him I risk losing him and the book deal. But all I can think about are his feelings, and how betrayed he would be if he knew that I was using him, using us to build myself a career. Worst part was that I only wanted to write about my life and suddenly he became a huge part of it and I can't help my feelings towards him.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry for taking so long to update but i have been so busy with exams and school.**

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If someone ever asked me what heaven is to me, I would answer them with an excessively long detailed monologue describing this moment right here, right now. Sunlight is creeping through the white curtains, hitting my skin gently and inviting me to enjoy what the rest of the day has to offer, I'm lying in soft sheets, and warmth is filling my body and inspiring all sorts of happiness in it. And I am gazing at one of the people that matter most in my life. And it's a one hell of a view. I just love looking at his face, he looks like a dream with his messy golden hair and silk skin. This is my heaven: waking up in his arms after falling asleep together. Spending hours in bed together and pretending like we have no responsibilities waiting for us outside of this room; that we can just be whatever we want to be even for a short time. Also I've grown attached to our late night talks that have become an almost daily activity for us, and being able to achieve different sorts of both emotional and physical satisfaction. I never knew that such bliss could be obtained so effortlessly, so recklessly.

"I'm willing to bet that you're staring.. again!" he said while keeping his eyes closed and I couldn't help but to let out a giggle.

"Actually it's called gazing!" I say jockingly while watching his mouth shift into a smile that made me laugh as well.

"Still creepy" he claimed.

"Or adorably romantic" I reply, because I know that no one has ever felt more romantic in the history of humanity.

And that's when he opened his green eyes, and switched his position so that our faces would be facing one another.. He focused his looks on my eyes and I felt myself melt under his stare. He allowed his hands to run freely and carelessly in my hair. And suddenly he pulled me closer and attacked my lips with his, so tenderly yet with such hunger. His hands travel throughout my body making me feel electrified and releasing me to float in this endless moment. While my hands choose to stay positioned on his neck and his waist, as If I was trying to find a way to make our figures merge into one, for our souls to touch and become one and the same. That's a humble summary of my heaven and I pray to all gods that nothing will make my Eden come to an end.

My phone keeps on buzzing and even though I've ignored it countless times, the caller is insisting on making me pick up. I sigh with such annoyance at the thought of having to let go of him in order to answer our interrupter. I grab my phone and pick up while Stefan is refusing to fully let go of me, and continuing to trace a trail of kisses on my neck and back and even tickling me at time.

"Hello.. Stefan stop it" I say even though I'm one hundred percent sure that whoever is on the other side of the line could hear me loud and clear but I'm a very ticklish person and I can't help it.

"Elena.. Honey.. It's your mother" Is what I heard coming through the phone although I refuse to believe it. I haven't talked to my parents ever since I graduated from college.

"Mom ? … Are you okay?" Is all I manage to say.. And Stefan stopped teasing me when he noticed the signs of sadness and shock painting on my face. Even though he kept his hand wrapped in mine for me to channel strength and support.

" Yes.. I know that we haven't spoken in a while but I wouldn't have bothered you if it weren't important" replied my parent and I felt such guilt and shame because I let my mother think that her presence in my life is a derangement.

"Mom..You could never bother me.. What's wrong? "

"Your father and I, we were attending a relative's baby shower in Manhattan.. You know her Elizabeth.. Your second cousin, the one who married that rich fancy lawyer.. And your father had a heart attack.." Explained my mother and I felt a tear rolling down my cheek but I couldn't say a thing. I wanted to yell and scream tell her how sorry I am that I wasn't there for her when she needed me, beg her to forgive me and tell me where my father is. I wanted to do something, to say something but I found myself completely speechless.. I kept breathing through the phone until my mother interrupted my deadly silence.

"Anyway, he is staying in a hospital in Manhattan… I could text you the address if you … maybe wanted to visit him.. He is still unconscious but I know that your presence would mean a lot to him"

"I'm coming right now .. And mom …"

"Yes baby"

"I love you", I said and broke into tears.

"I love you to the moon and back dear" She answered with a trembling voice hinting her tears. I love you to the moon and back, that's what she used to tell me as a child every night before putting me to sleep.

I put down my phone and Stefan grabbed me into a hug instantly, consoling me and being my shoulder to cry on. He kept murmuring how everything is okay, and how everything is going to be just fine.

And that made me feel even worse because I don't deserve to have things go my way and be just okay, not after everything I did and everything that I keep doing. I stole away the life of their youngest child, I left them alone with their sorrow as their only companion and I wasn't there for them, I keep lying to Stefan and using him to write a freaking book although I'm very emotionally invested in our relationship and so is he… so, no everything isn't fine.

* * *

I asked Bonnie to drive me to the hospital, after having to beg Stefan no to do so after convincing him that it's not the right time for me to introduce him to my family and that seeing Bonnie after so many years could help make my mom a bit joyous.

I've never felt so much anxiety and nervousness all at once. I haven't lay eyes on my mother for several years, and the only reason that let us to meet again is the possible fatality of my father. I have missed her so much; the smell of her hair, her indescribable warm hugs and relieving words of wisdom. I miss my father just as much, how he used to kiss me goodnight and read me bed stories, how much he tried to cultivate me and especially his funny jokes and his cheesy one liners. I miss everything that my life used to be like before I was embodied by a monster and a killer. I miss who I was back then, I miss how much joy I used to feel without trying so hard every second to fulfill it. I miss that I was their pride and joy .. I miss Jeremy.

I am walking towards the room my mother assigned me in her text like a lifeless robot. I'm on foot and I wish that I could just disappear for a moment so that I could gather my thoughts and be prepared for is yet to come without turning into a wreck and destroying everything. I asked Bonnie to wait outside for a moment and she nodded in understanding and told me that she'll be right outside In case I needed her for whatever reason.

My heart is beating crazy fast. I think my hands are shaking and I find it uneasy to breathe. Until my eyes meet hers and without putting much thought into it I fall in her arms and they welcome me with so much hospitality. And suddenly I go back to being the fragile happy teenager I was before everything turned upside down. Time and distance haven't changed a thing. She still smells the same, like home … and her hugs are warmer and feel safer than I remember. We are both storming in tears; apologizing to each other in mumbling and telling one another how much their absence has cost us.

My dad is lying on a bed, motionless. His features are blank and his skin is shivery and cold. I position myself beside him on a blue small chair that I found in the room and my mom excused herself under the excuse that she would like to go out and say hi to bonnie.

I took his hand in mine and I said

"I'm sorry daddy.. I really am.. I'm sorry that I let you down , that I left you when you needed me the most and that I have destroyed your life. I wish you could hear me. It's me .. Elena your little baby girl. The one you used to have so much hope and faith in. I'm here now dad and I'm not leaving you again. I'm going to work hard to be the person you've raised me to be. I will regain everything that I lost in the process.. but please dad.. I need you to wake up and guide me through it, I need you by my side like you have always been."

I'm crying and yelling and doing everything that I couldn't a couple hours later. I'm speaking the truth that's been hidden in my heart for so long. And In that moment I could have sworn that his hand grabbed mine back. His eyes opened up a little and he smiled my way. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. Is it a miracle or a smart succession of events lead by coincidence.. I will never know but at least I can help him take full advantage of how the universe is working our way . So I hurried down the hall asking for a doctor to come and check up on my dad ,my hero.


	9. Chapter 9

Life is a rollercoaster, a crazy and unexpected one. Just when you become dull enough to believe that you're higher than the empire state, that life is gracious enough to grant you joy for a while, everything comes rushing, racing in an impossible speed, it drags you down and replaces all of your hopes and dreams with nothing other than tragedy and betrayal. I am a man who chose to become a background character in his own proper story, I'm that person that you and your friends pity for how much unfairness he has gone through at such a young age, I'm a reckless lover and an unwise paramour. I wish I could go back in time to that night, when I first saw her. I wish I had declined Klaus' offer and stayed home and continued my mourning in the presence of my loneliness. Why do I always plant the same trap for my heart and fall back inside of it each time like a blind animal? I can't believe that a year has already gone by since we first lay eyes on one another, I can't accept the fact that I thought she was going to be my life savior, that she'd help me rediscover the heavenly taste of laughter and genuine feeling of happiness. And now all I've got left is a scar marking my heart, a painful tightening in my chest every time the thought of her crosses my mind. She destroyed me, utterly and completely. She manifested herself at first in the shape of beauty and magic and then she morphed into an angry violent storm that destroyed my life.

Pain has a name, and it's Elena Gilbert

Why is it that all I seem to do is lay on this bed and watch the last year play in front of my eyes during every second of each day? I keep trying to pinpoint the exact moment when everything started crushing down, when she started unveiling her true identity and taking off her mask. But all I seem to recall is her answering my every call with an angel like smile, that would enslave me to her existence. The only scenario that keeps repeating itself is me waking by her side and being allowed her sweet smell each morning. When exactly did she become a monster? I don't know.

* * *

_A knock on the door of my office, I remember telling my secretary not to take any appointments for me during the following days because of how many files I had to catch up with. But apparently she wasn't really listening to me. The sound is extremely familiar to my ears which is an insane sensation since all knocks are almost identical but this one… It feels like a signature that I should be able to recall. I notice myself diving in my thoughts and forgetting to answer the call of my mysterious visitor and just when I wake up from my day dream I notice a figure advancing my way, a very distinct one. It seems as if darkness has come back to rip my soul from my body after my many escapes from its cruel fatal hands. The identity of my visitor becomes obvious as soon as my eyes caught the sight of her captivating long sinister vigorous perfect curls. Katherine Pierce has torn open all the doors that I built between our two lives with a few steps. All I can do is stare at her, try to make out as many details as possible, maybe those would help me gather a prior idea on what she's done with her life. Katarina's sporting a pair of leather boots, ones that leave behind an inviting sound to hell as she advances with each step, she's decorating her legs with a matching black skirt, short yet voluminous and on top she's wearing a rather simple black tank top but on it are a dozen of metallic necklaces, edgy and attractive just as she once used to be. And of course, her usual evergreen smirk._

"_You don't seem too happy to see me", she said as she sat herself down, uninvited right in front of me, and although there being a massive desk separating us, the pain of her memory still felt attached to my chest, never letting go of me._

"_Can you blame me Katherine?" I answer, determined to get whatever this is, over with as soon as possible, so I use honesty and determination as my deadly weapon, protecting myself with._

"_I just remember you being very.. very fond of my presence once upon a time, Stefan", She is some sort of witch, she must be. She says every word and she adds to it an exceptional ring, one that can only be associated with delicious evil, a sound that once seduced me back to her. She pauses between the words, she attacks my shield with her gaze, inviting me to her, but I realize that what I feel is not the reality of my emotion but rather a memory. _

"_Don't you ever get bored of playing your silly games? What is it that you want this time?", I question her motives, I've learned through experience that she always has them planned ahead._

"_Would it be unimaginable that I've come here to check up on you, that I missed you, that I just want to be your friend… That after all of this time, I still have your best interest at heart? " _

"_Yes, Katherine… It's impossible for my humble mind to absorb that piece of information. Every since I first knew you all you ever did is bring sadness and heartache into my life. All I remember you doing is leaving me behind each time you got bored or had something better… someone better waiting for you. You destroyed me once, and I won't let you do it again, especially after I've let myself heal, after I've welcomed someone else into the shattered castle that is my heart." I stood up in the middle of my words and I focused my look on her, as if we were in a court and she was being prosecuted. She remained silent, positioned on the chair with both legs crossed and her face expressionless, as if the weight of my words fell like a feather on her._

"_It amazes me how wrong you are. You think you found your other half? Your long lost soul-mate? That somehow life could be that kind to anyone?" , she paused for a second to push the weight of her body up, and take a few steps until we are standing in front of each other, our bodies facing each other, both with anger burning inside of our eyes. "You and I fell in love for a reason Stefan, and that we both shared the same beliefs. No matter what you might think, we are so much alike. We were both born with a reigning dark side, we both realize the reality of things. And deep down you know that whatever fairytale you have going on for you, it won't last, it's not real. How can something so perfect match reality? I hurt you, I know that, but at least what we shared was actually real, raw passion hovered on my darkness." _

"_That couldn't be any further from the truth… Elena and I share something greater beyond your understanding. Every moment with her is defined by honesty and purity. Instead of running from each other each time we get dark, we run towards one another. I tell her everything about myself and she does the same. We promised our forever since we first met, unannounced yet so official. She has reminded me that love is not a lost cause, that not all women are you. She introduced me to real happiness, true love and absolute trust. I'm not like you Katherine. I haven't given up on myself, I haven't closed the gates to my heart, and I don't use cruelty and manipulation as my armor. And only by seeing you today I'm certain that you no longer have any effect on my, that you'll never play any role in my presence. You'll always remain behind me, buried as the worst memory of my past."_

_I don't grant her the mere opportunity to reply, I randomly pick up my phone and storm out of the office, without turning back, I refuse to let her have the final word, to reign on every discussion we have. I know that I shouldn't be wasting my time here on her, and her lies and hidden truths. I know that I should be back home, with Elena declaring my endless love for her and planning our future together side by side. I know that my body craves nothing but the taste of her lips, and the touch of her skin. I can't believe how I can possibly love a person this much, but I do, and I'm happy that I've found this sensation after years of heartbreak. _

* * *

_I unlock the door of our apartment, Elena and I decided to move in together about three weeks ago, and since Bonnie has taken an official stable position in New York, she'll be needing the place, so we thought that it would be best for Elena to come and live with me in my place._

_The scent of Vanilla is filling every inch of it, and that's how I can tell that she's most likely taking a bath. She lights a thousand of candles each time she does so, she says that the smell reminds her of home, and her mother's baking that she feels like time hasn't passed each time she lights them. I let her know of my arrival and I put my suitcase down as I rush to the bedroom in almost robotic moves, I take off my tie, finally letting air come easily to my lungs then I go back to the living room and I pour myself a glass of whiskey and I sit on the couch. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket so I grab it and I see a text showing on its screen "__**Good evening, Mr Mikealson has requested that you send him the contract right now , it's quite urgent"**_

"_Elena babe, can I use your computer? ", I yell so that the sound of my voice can break though the walls and reach her hearing_

"_Yes! Can you order dinner too? I'm starving"_

_I open the device that has been sitting motionlessly on the couch besides me,as I click the button demanding it to come to life and allow me through its web. And the first thing that the miraculous screen shows, is a long text of words, seems almost endless. Which is something I would usually ignore considering that it is private, but what catches my attention is the name of the receiver of the pages "Ms Katherine Pierce" , I blink nervously and reopen my eyes in hope that this is some sort of humorless trick that my brain is playing on me, but the name is still right where I left it. So curiously and without second thought I open the attachment and another tab opens up showing beyond two hundred pages. The first page contains the title of whatever it is that I'm about to read and the name of the author_

"_**Lost Souls, by Elena Gilbert"**_

_I move my eyes from word to word, rapidly like I have the entire world running behind me and so little time. I swallow each word hungrily, still waiting for the part where an explanation pops up, to clear out Katherine's role in Elena's writing. She's talking about her hometown, Mystic Falls, describing the places the she has been to throughout the years she spent there, how each one of them marked her life. She speaks of how much her family and friends helped shape who she is, and supported her through every single obstacle no matter how big or small. She is a skilled writer, which causes another question to manifest in my mind, Why has she been keeping this from me? _

"_**I was in the winter of my life, when my prince charming tagged along and rescued me from the great obscure evil that is my past. Like a knight carrying a shiny silver armor he appeared in my world, so suddenly and so unexpectedly. A series of events occurred and a thousand chances happened, leading him my way. But seeing his captivating tender green eyes, and the spark that they held within, I would have never dared to assume that my hero has been walking around the infamous street of New York city carrying around a shattered broken heart and a destroyed, undefinable soul. He speaks to me as if he's never known heart-break, like the world could never find stings strong enough to tame him. But I can remark his look washing with terrifying sadness as each word skips his appealing lips. He said that he had only known true love once, he never told me her name, and that she wrecked him and turned his world upside down. He tries to look composed and untouchable while he seems so fragile and frail, like he'd break into pieces if I touch him. Stefan Salvatore, is a confusing mixture of heterogenic compos ants, and I can't wait to see how our story turns out, and how it'll end."**_

_I can taste a familiar flavor,almost like it has never parted my nerves: betrayal. Is this what I've been doing for the last months? Providing her with material for her to write a book… Is this Katherine's doing? Did she plan all this all along? Was she gesturing Elena's moves and reciting her words? Why do I feel like all I want is for the earth to open its gates and swallow me whole? … I can't think all I can do is keep on reading and the weirdest feelings are filling me, like some stalker has been filming my life and putting it to words, I read the words and I remember the scenes replaying in my head; like some sort of twisted maleficent déjà-vu. _

"_**He lets his head fall on my lap, like an infant running back to the tenderness of his mother's caresses, he closes his eyes as if he's swimming in infinite oceans made out of his imagination. And all he does is talk. He recounts the tragedies of his past like he's reciting a poem or a passage that he's learned to memorize long ago. He speaks of the unbearable pain the he carries within his bones and all I do is listen devotedly. He tells me how his childhood has been guided by cruelty and infinite darkness; how he couldn't escape his former surroundings until his late teens, when he graduated high school. Stefan reports on the misfortunes that he has endured since he was first aware of his existence. At the age of a blossoming rose, he's had to watch the closest people to his heart suffer a great deal because of the unjust conditions that life has chosen for him. His father was a cruel alcoholic who made a hobby out of beating his family up, and he learned to find pleasure in harassing his sons and wife. He told me how he can never escape his past because his father has succeeded at leaving a never parting mark on his skin, he stood up and pulled up his shirt in order to show me a remarkable scar on his back, one that I've seen before but never dared question the origins of it (...) His brother gathered enough courage at sixteen to report their father to the authorities but his mother was quick to defend her husband and testify falsely for his sake. He never understood why his mother loved her abuser more than she loved her sons, more than she loved her own self. He said that he's terrified of ending up like his father, an addict, a hopeless cause that destroys everything that it meets. And that it's why he chooses not to let people in, except a few chosen ones, that he never liked sharing the catastrophes that fell upon him with anybody, because they are extremely personal to him …"**_

_I don't get a chance to awaken from the shock that is ruling my body, but I can feel sweat rushing down from my forehead and a tear escape the prison of my eyes. My surprise is suddenly interrupted by my betrayer's voice. She's hovering behind me, she called my name a couple times but I couldn't answer. I felt broken, disgusted, betrayed and most of all foolish. Katherine Pierce hasn't just won a round, she won the war. She approaches me carefully, I can tell by the sound of her steps, she exclaims in a small voice. Her hair is wet falling on her shoulder, and she's tightening a white towel around her body. On her bare face I can read nothing, or more like I can believe nothing of what she might have to say._

"_Stefan, please let me explain." , she said after a minute of awkward uncomfortable silence, this time she's standing in front of me, but she's not close to me. She knew better than to try and initiate any sort of contact_

"_Explain what? How I was nothing but a passing muse for you? How I'm nothing but your ladder to fame and success.? How my life means so little to you that you'd use it as material for your stupid book without even requesting my consent? How I've been living an absolute lie for months? How I allowed you inside of my heart and trusted you with my past and that was nothing but a source for you to make up a character? Was any of it real… ever?" _

"_Yes, Stefan .. I swear it's all real. I love you more than words can ever describe, and I know that it's difficult for you to believe that, to believe me" she had to swallow, but that didn't stop her from tearing up and her voice to break "I didn't want to write this stupid fucking book, I wrote a chapter or two at first but I swear that I tried to stop, but she… fucking Katherine Pierce, my publisher said that they have the rights to what I sent them and that I was obliged to publish this book. She said that people would love a love story starred in by the great Stefan Salvatore., I swear that I wanted to tell you, every single day, but each time I saw your face I grew more and more terrified of losing you and I kept it a destructive secret, I'm so so so sorry." _

"_Katherine is the girl that I told you about. The one that I used to be with for years? You risked us and all that we shared for nothing; because all of what she told you was nothing but one of her devilish games, one that she knew would result us breaking apart" I explained even though I knew that I didn't awe her a thing._

"_oh my god! I'm so sorry Stefan. I really am. It's not too late, I'll … I'll call someone, I'll talk to someone… have them cancel the book. I'll write them another one, any book they want just try to believe me"I've never seen Elena sound or look more desperate before in my life. She was still crying, but I couldn't feel a thing other than anger._

"_It's not about the fucking book Elena, it's about you not caring about my feelings, you lying to me for MONTHS, you using me for MONTHS, you betraying my trust and it hurts even more to see that you don't realize that" …. " I need to leave "_

_I shut her voice out of my hearing, I ran towards the door, with a blank look painting on my face, I'm nothing but a wreck, at least she got the title right because all I feel like right now is a **lost soul.**_


	10. Chapter 10 - The reveal

Elena's POV

Rediscovering the world as you once used to know it is incredibly appalling. You have to start seeing things differently from what you've gotten used to, you commence by lowering your expectations and getting rid of habits that have come to shape your life for a very long period of time. I wake up each day, expecting to feel warmth, to be able to feel his breath on my skin or notice is arms around my figure, while enjoying the feeling of his body is curling besides mine. I expect to open my eyes, and see him in front of me as soon as I do so, lying next to me with such majestic calmness and elegance. Whenever my phone starts ringing I keep waiting to hear the sound of his voice begging me to ignore whoever the caller is and to stay by his side with my full attention. Whenever I remark myself beginning to be overwhelmed by emotion or sadness, I long for his comforting touch and wise words, I crave hearing him console me and promise that everything is going to be fine and that life will eventually play its course.

But now, I have to accept the fact that I'm all alone in this house, that I no longer have him as a shoulder to lean on and that I won't be granted the gift of listening to his voice whenever I please. I need to start convincing myself that Stefan Salvatore is not a part of my life anymore, that he, after a long time he finally realized that I'm nothing other than a destruction, a catastrophe that he was cursed with. He finally chose to walk the righteous way and escape from my destructive world.

The worst part, is knowing that I hurt him by choice. That I was given the precious chance to be honest and cherish every single aspect of what we had but instead I took his heart for granted and I broke it into a million pieces as I held it in the palm of my hand. He confessed his adoration and absolute trust and I did the same while I was digging the dagger deeper in his chest as the days went by, he just didn't know it. I hurt him, I scarred his soul by lying and betraying him and for what? So that I can be released from a stupid contract? I could have went on living my entire life without needing to publish any piece of writing if I knew that I'd have him along eternally. What hurts me even more is knowing how foolish I've been acting, how stupid I was to give up the best thing that I ever had for fame and Katherine's sake.

I have absolutely no idea how the time has been passing by ever since he left. How many days have started and finished and the only thing I could see is blurriness caused by the sight of my tears. I don't know whether I've let go of my phone ever since then. And most of all I don't know how I'm daring to stay in his apartment, he probably saw my car still parked downstairs and that's why he hasn't come back. I'm still hurting him ever after every shitty thing I've already done.

…

Somehow, I can listen to footsteps approaching the door, and my heart starts beating faster and faster because of the mere thought of knowing that it might be him, that there's solely a wall separating us. Then a clearer sound echoes in the place, someone is knocking on the door, I jump out of the couch running towards the wooden portal and I unlock the door recklessly without a hint of thought. I'm faced with a gorgeous blonde, with a look of sensitive disappointment and cruel anger painted on her face. I don't know why Rebekah is here or whether she knows of what has happened during the last few days but I can't lie and say that I'm not happy with seeing a friendly face. I lower my look to the ground, as I were a devilish sinner ashamed with her actions and I free the way as I step away from the door so that she can come inside.

She goes directly towards the living room, like she once lived here, which I don't find to be shocking or suspicious since she and Stefan are inseparable. She positions herself on the middle of the black leather sofa and she waits for me to do the same. So, delicately I approach her sitting place and I choose to give her some space so I sit on the other end of the couch.

Silence is still hovering on the surface, she opens her bag and gets a pack of cigarettes outside of it and she lights one and somehow she makes it look like the most inviting and attractive action in the world. She inhaled the smoke and then she looked my way and said while keeping the cigarette between both her fingers.

"Why Elena? Why did you have to become a fucking cliché?"

"Did Stefan tell you… Everything?" I reply with a weak voice displaying my feelings of guilt and disappointment.

"Of course he told me. Where the bloody hell did you think he was sleeping for the past week? While you were making a habitat out of his bloody apartment"

"I have been calling him nonstop, he won't answer me. I just want a chance to explain … to tell him how much I love him and care about his feelings. He's the only person that I've opened up to ever since I was a teenager. I've never felt this strongly about any man. I just need him to know how sorry I am", I felt like an advocate in a court trying to justify the behavior of a criminal, helplessly trying to convince the jury and myself.

"Elena dear, not to be rude… But I couldn't care less about what YOU need right now. Stefan has been my best friend for the last six years, and I won't stand by and let you break his heart over and over again. I won't let you humiliate him publicly and turn him into research for whatever it is that you're writing. You broke his heart and there is no going back from that" , she declared, and I was trying so fucking hard not to seam weaker than I already have and not to shed a single tear.

"Is that why you came here? To tell me that I'm a fucking monster? Well sorry to disappoint your intentions because I am already extremely aware.. You've wasted your time."

She dropped the ashtray of her cigarette and put it down. Then she morphed her look into utter seriousness and focus as if she were trying to ignore what just happened and what we just said and move on to a far greater subject, an important one. She composed herself and positioned her hands on her lap then she said

"No Elena, I came here because I'm fucking terrified that Stefan will fall back into old habits, really bad ones." She announced and I could feel my face merge as one and the same with confusion and terror, I held a questioning look in my eyes because I had not a single clue what she was referring to. She interrupted my train of thought as she said in shock and disbelief

"You really don't know, don't you?"

" Know what?"

"Stefan is a recovering drug addict, he's been sober for almost three years, but it's really easy for him to fall off the wagon, especially after you know... The recent unhappy events"

I felt my head spin into a thousand rounds. What the hell was she accusing him of? Stefan.. a drug addict? That seemed like the most surreal idea to me, impossible. Because first of all he looks like the most composed and independent person that I've ever encountered and secondly, why would he hide such a grave issue from me? Was he unable to trust me all along, were his instincts magical and predictions rightful this entire time? Was he ashamed or scared that I'd judge him or leave behind if he had shown me his true colors?

"That's impossible. And even if it were true… How could I possibly help? I'm the last person in the entire galaxy that he'd want to see."

"God you're such an idiot Elena Gilbert… don't you get it? You hold to key to his heart, he loves you despite everything."

"Why? How could he? I fucking hate myself"

"That's a question that I haven't gotten an answer to darling… First things first why don't you go take a shower and wear something presentable while I plan out how this can work"

"okay, just give me fifteen minutes."

* * *

Stefan's POV.

This all feels like a memory replaying in my head over and over again. It all feels like a maze that I can never escape. I know exactly what I'm about to do. I realize how dangerous it is and how it'll destroy my life once I do it and I still fail to stop. Maybe I am a sadist that feeds on sorrow or a masochist that enjoys spiritual torture. Blood is boiling inside of my veins, and my body won't stop shaking, I can feel my eyes ache, maybe it's from the tears that have become so usual for me the last couple of days. I don't know anything other than where I'm going. If she wanted to truly destroy me then it should be done the right way. I can't abandon a mission, I need to make her happy right? And what could possibly make her happier than me feeding her imagination and providing her with inspiration. Everyone wants to read about a train wreck, a fallen angel a once successful person that has just hit rock bottom, so here you go people, you're getting what you want.

My history is all that I can think of. I should have predicted long ago that happiness won't ever become a true part of my life, that It can only belong to it as a faint illusion or an increasing desire but never in its marvelous inexistent true form. I should have known better than to go back to my old habits and get hooked on something else, different this time, and convince myself that it's all healthy. Letting your well being and satisfaction depend only on a person or anything is never a sign of health. How could I allow myself to lose my independence, the one thing that I've had to work for my entire life, so easy. Isn't it mad how I'm feeling like shit while she's the one who is causing my pain, how I'm allowing her to win over my self control and destroy me piece by piece?

Rebekah has been calling me for over an hour. I don't feel like picking up or hearing her advice even though I know how right she is and that I'm being a jerk by making her worry about me this much. But I've been for too long, I've been pretending and living a role for too long and it hasn't gotten me anything other than betrayal and heart-break. Maybe, I should allow myself to recognize who I truly am and start escaping my truth. Maybe, just maybe the pain will stop once I own up to who I am and embrace my obscure dark side without ignorance and denial. Maybe, I've been running this entire time only in order for me to become him… That abusive self-destructive animal that people like to call my father. You can't escape family ties and blood. Maybe he has been my destiny all this time, maybe I've been watching him and seeing a future version of what I'll become. I can't think of anything for terrifying than that. I would rather put a bullet in my brain.

Here I am. I breathe into the freezing air, and I take one last look at everything around me as if I'm saying goodbye. The streets are never empty, people keep coming and going like mindless robots, travelling from side to side, without even attempting to make eye contact with one another. I don't know why everything feels so alien to me. Like I don't belong between the crowds and I'll never do so. I pick up my phone and I quickly read a couple of notifications showing on my screen

"12 missed calls from **Rebekah fucking Sunshine **"

" 5 missed calls from **The love of my life" **

That one makes a faint laugh escape from my freezing lips

"a text message from **Rebekah fucking Sunshine :** Stefan where the fuck are you? I'm starting to get worried please don't do anything stupid or reckless"

I unlock it and I quickly dial a number that I'm surprised to find that I memorize by heart even after all of this time..

"Hey it's me, I'm in front of your building, let me in"

I notice the door quickly open and I climb the stairs rapidly towards my destination. And as soon as I get there I notice a shape standing outside of the door, one hand playing with her curls showing hints of pleasure and amusement as the other hand is laid on her hip. She looks like everything that I feel inside of me. She looks like a hybrid between heaven and hell, like darkness at its finest hour and as a manifestation of inviting wrong.

"Told you it was a question of time Stefan." , she said as if she has just won the lottery, proud of herself for predicting my fate yet once again, for winning over me.

"I guess you were right all along Katherine"

"I always am, it's kind of tiring actually. Anyway why don't you come in Romeo and we'll mend that broken heart of yours… somehow", she suggests while twirling her index around my heart

"How did you know?", I asked

"Believe it or not Stefan, but I know you by heart. That how I know that you'll always come running back to me at the end of the day" she professed.

Could it be that Katherine Pierce is the matching piece to my broken soul and dark spirit? That she and I are so much alike that the world couldn't handle us joining forces? That she has been right since the beginning, that the world is really too cruel to allow us any pure sort of satisfaction that joy and bliss can only be found inside of our deadly pleasures and fatal needs? She and I share something that Elena and I can never have, a mutual understanding of the universe, low expectation of the world and magnet pulling as towards the dark side endlessly.

"Last chance Stefan, are you coming in or not" , she said after I've been standing still facing her diving in my thoughts without answering her invite.

"Yes, Katherine. There's nowhere I'd rather be"


End file.
